When parents tell me they struggle to get their children to do their lessons, there’s usually one of three possible scenarios at play:

The child's curiosity has not been nurtured properly.
The parent has not established the correct parent/child relationship.
The child was in preschool or kindergarten before being homeschooled.

Sometimes it's a combination of all three, but let's focus on the latter possibility because this is where I see a lot of parents go wrong. It is also what I did not do that contributed to my children being so easy to teach.

I did not put my children into outside programs prior to homeschooling them. It was as simple as that but it made all the difference.

DISADVANTAGES TO LEAVING HOME AT EARLY AGES

When we put our children into daycare, preschool, and kindergarten programs, we not only interrupt the rhythm of our homes, but we also weaken our bonds with our children and undermine our relationship as their teacher.

CONNECTION

When it comes to the bonds we forge with our children, think about the people in your life that you're the closest to. It's usually because you shared a common interest and spent a lot of time together that fostered your close relationship.

We naturally become closer to the people we spend the most time with.

Think of the times that you are separated from your children. Maybe you and your spouse went away for the weekend or your children spent a week with their grandparents.

Upon reuniting, there is always that sense of separation looming overhead, and it takes a few hours to get back into the rhythm of living together.

When you add up all of the hours that a child spends in school, it’s no wonder that the family bonds weaken, as Gaber Mate delineates in his book, Hold Onto Your Kids.

Being connected to and strongly bonded with our children is not a given. It comes from time spent together too. It isn't something that happens by virtue of having children; it's a relationship that's earned.

As our children grow, and as our time together increases, the bond we share grows too.

The more time we share together, the stronger that bond grows, which is why homeschooled children tend to have stronger bonds with and feel more connected to their families than schooled children.

FIRST TEACHERS

We are also the first teachers of our children. From the minute they are born, we are teaching them how to be civilized human beings. They watch us like hawks, and they copy what we do. As they mature, we help them learn to walk, talk, and ride a bicycle.

They see us as all-knowing, and they look to us for guidance.

However, when we put our children into outside programs, we hand the role of teacher to a stranger, and our children begin to see that stranger as the "teaching" authority, not us.

So when it comes time to homeschool our children, we need to reclaim our teaching role. Until we succeed, our children may not respond to us as readily as they would have had we kept them at home.

TRANSITION TO HOMESCHOOL

When we keep our children home with us, homeschooling becomes a natural transition from instructing them in how to tie their shoes to one plus one makes two.

Children who are free to explore, experiment, and take risks are much easier to teach than children who are put into programs and told what to do and when to do it.

If we do put our children into daycare, preschool, or kindergarten, depending upon how long they were in said programs and how much academic work was expected of them, they may have lost some of their curiosity and desire to apply their minds to learn new things.

Without a desire to learn, it can be challenging to teach a child.

TEACHING VERSUS LEARNING

Learning is an action. What we do as teachers is provide instruction, but it is the child who must do the learning. During their early years, instead of enrolling them in programs outside the home, we want to facilitate our children in continuing to use their minds.

I use the word "continuing" because children come into the world with active minds, and their minds learn to work harder and take on bigger challenges when we allow them childhoods that facilitate the continuation of this development.

My children were always eager to learn, and the parents I work with raise children who love learning too. When our children hit their teens, we might get some rebellious behavior, which is natural, but our children are not difficult to teach.

My children were inquisitive, creative, and strong. They knew they could tackle any problem and figure out how to solve it.

The idea of being able to teach oneself, as Dorothy Sayers said, is a goal of a solid education. It's also an attitude all well-homeschooled children will adopt—the belief in their ability to learn anything.

If you want homeschooling to be a seamless transition from informal learning (how to tie a shoe) to formal academic learning (reading, writing, computing), then don't enroll your children in outside programs!

They don't need them.

Buy them shoes with laces instead and teach them how to tie their shoes. When they are a little older, teach them how to read.

Don’t miss your free download, 6 Reasons Homeschooled Kids Have Better Social Skills.

Get a copy of Liz’s “could not live without” book, Education’s Not the Point: How Schools Fail to Train Children’s Minds and Nurture Their Characters with groundbreaking Essays on educating your kids by John Taylor Gatto, Dorothy Sayers, and Liz herself.

About Elizabeth Y. Hanson

Developing a comprehensive understanding of how to raise and educate a “whole” child, based on tradition, modern research, and experience, Liz devotes her time to helping parents to get it right.

Liz is a homeschooling thought-leader, as well as the creator of three unique online courses, Raise Your Child Well: Preserving Your Child's Natural Genius by Laying a Solid Foundation During the First Seven Years; the Smart Homeschooler Academy, educating children who are brilliant, happy, and well-socialized; and How to Teach Your Child to Read and Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

As an Educator, Homeschool Emerita, Writer, and Love and Leadership Certified Parenting Coach, Liz has 23 years of experience guiding parents through the amazing journey of raising and educating their children.

Liz is available for one-on-one consultations as needed.

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling. For a copy of The Short Angry History of Compulsory Schooling, click here.