The ‘Not Enough’ Syndrome

As women, we tend to think we are not enough as we are. Add homeschooling into the mix and our list of not enoughs now includes neither smart, nor patient, nor educated enough to homeschool.

The thought of homeschooling conjures up fears that you may fail, disappoint your family, or even worse, hinder your children's chances of success.

You might think that homeschooling moms are smarter, better educated, and have it more together than you do.

The truth is that even if all of these beliefs were true, which is unlikely, you could still succeed at homeschooling if you put your mind to it.

You can overcome the unwelcome thoughts in your head that say you are less than every other mother trying to give her child a better education at home.

I'm Not Smart Enough or Educated Enough

To this, I would ask, who is? My father was in the category of truly learned men of the 20th century, and he never considered himself educated. My father's position used to baffle me until one day I understood that the more you know, the more you comprehend how little you know.

We still can’t answer fundamental questions with 100% certainty, such as, Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?

“It’s an irony of life that the most simple questions contain the greatest mysteries.”

While it is true that most of us are far less intelligent than we would have been had we been properly educated during our prime learning years, but we can always choose to correct the problem.

It’s never too late to work at developing our intellects.

The Almighty Brain Gives Us Hope

We used to think the brain became fixed at a certain age and didn’t change after that, other than to decline as you aged, but neuroscientists have shown that this isn't true. The brain continues to wire itself, which is why learning unto the grave prevents ailments like dementia and Alzheimers.

The good news is that you need not despair. When you homeschool, you will develop your mind alongside your children. Becoming smarter and improving your brain's capacity is a byproduct of homeschooling.

Talk to homeschooling moms to discover how this works. You'll find that homeschooling moms always have a lot of general knowledge. But ask them how much they knew before they began homeschooling, and their answers may surprise you.

I’ll go first: I did not know the eight parts of speech. I didn’t even know that there were eight parts of speech! As painful as it is to share this, it’s more painful to know so many moms are afraid to homeschool because they don’t know the eight parts of speech either.

I learned them and you will too. You don’t have to know everything to homeschool; you just have to want to know everything!

Even with no college education, you will still do a better job homeschooling your children than the public school system. There are millions of homeschooled kids to prove it.

Do not let a feeling of intellectual inferiority stop you. You will rise to the occasion and become a better person by having done so.

I'm too Impatient; I could Never Homeschool

You may be impatient, but you can correct this. Impatience stems from three causes: 1) a physical imbalance or 2) an emotional imbalance, 3) bad habits.

Physical Imbalance

When people are irritable and impatient, it can be for many reasons, including not enough sleep, poor dietary habits, health imbalances and not enough exercise.

If you feel run down and exhausted—and you don’t have a child under the age of two—you might consider seeking alternative health care to improve your diet, get on an exercise plan, and take any natural remedies they might recommend.

Exhaustion is not something you want to ignore, because you'll raise your voice more and have less time for your spouse. The latter can lead to a negative feedback loop too.

The less time you have with your spouse, the less support you feel, and the more exacerbated your symptoms become. Instead of being a respite for one another during the years when your young children are more demanding, you begin to grow apart and you obviously don’t want that to happen.

Emotional Imbalance

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or unhappy with your life, it may be because you aren’t doing anything to replenish yourself. Mothers get into these states when they eliminate all the things they enjoyed doing before having children.

Life suddenly becomes all work and no play.

Play is important for children, but it’s also important for us. Play is what rejuvenates us and keeps us going. Figure out what it is that you love doing most and build some of it back into your life.

“When enough people raise play to the status it deserves in our lives, we will find the world a better place.”

— Dr. Stuart Brown

Take care of yourself so you can take better care of those who depend on you without feeling overwhelmed.

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be this!

Bad Habits

You may have a bad habit of getting upset too easily. In this case, you want to pay close attention to when this happens so you can start to correct your behavior. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it.

You Missed the Patience Hand-Out

You may think you don’t have the patience to homeschool. Homeschooling moms were dealt a “saint-like” portion of patience, but somehow you missed out. The assumption here is that homeschooling is going to be too challenging and difficult for you.

In my experience, the moms I work with find they have the patience to homeschool, often to their own surprise. If you get a sound handle on homeschooling, it’s fun to learn alongside your children, and you don’t need patience to do the things you enjoy doing.

The truth is, true homeschoolers would need to intend to fail their children and no one is going to do that.

But you won't know this until you take the leap. It takes courage to homeschool, and courage comes from acting despite your fears. We all experience fear, but mothers who homeschool don't let it get in their way.

The cost is too high, and they know it.

Not sure what kind of books to buy your children? Get Liz’s list of Ten Books Every Well-Educated Child Should Read.

Grab a copy of the essential homeschooler’s book: Education’s Not the Point: How Schools Fail to Train Children’s Minds and Nurture Their Characters with gripping essays by John Taylor Gatto and Dorothy Sayers?

"I know Elizabeth Y. Hanson as a remarkably intelligent, highly sensitive woman with a moral nature and deep insight into differences between schooling and education. Elizabeth's mastery of current educational difficulties is a testimony to her comprehensive understanding of the competing worlds of schooling and education. She has a good heart and a good head. What more can I say?”

—John Taylor Gatto Distinguished educator, public speaker, and best-selling author of Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling